Feel like I’m going nuts here. So much happening, so much I feel behind on. It’s another Fathers day and I feel anything but a good father. In my attempts to “provide” I can’t say I’ve made the best decisions. I’ve taken on extra work, my wife and I both have, but braces for twins, a crashed computer, 18 year old dryer that finally blew up, and needed auto repair have left me feeling like my head is no longer above water. Each month I never know if I’m going to make the house payment, which is already behind. I can’t really turn to anyone, so I have to just get it all out here, so I can carry on. I can’t let up, can’t falter. My family is depending on me to do what I can, as little as it may seem at this time, it is all that I can do.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing for a nice self absorbed mid-life crisis, trying to prove to myself and everyone around me I “still have it.” The truth is, I never had “it”, and I would gladly trade ‘it’ for my girls to have their braces and a dresser that wasn’t so cheep that the drawers didn’t keep falling out.

I guess the thing is just put one foot ahead of the other. I’m told that God never sends you more than you can handle. If that’s true then I really don’t appreciate the testing of limits. Not today.