EUREKA!

At long last, one of my dreams has come true.
It has been there all this time, just with in my grasp, but always eluding me. Teasing me, taunting me, but now I have it. My precious, my precious…...Oh, sorry. I kind of lost it there for a sec. I’m better now. Maybe I should explain.

My twins have reached the age where their baby teeth are dropping out like Chiclets in a vending machine. But one of the girls has had a tooth that has been loose forever. As time went by, it became so loose you could see it flapping every time she talked. You could even see the permanent tooth coming in behind the loose one. Still the tooth refused to come out. It was driving me nuts.

Finally, with her permission, we wrapped that floppy tooth in gauze, and I gave a tremendous pull. Actually I just had to pull a little, and it popped out. She didn’t know it had come out until I showed her. Needless to say there was much rejoicing, because as we all know, the Tooth Fairy rides tonight.

P.S.
A really great link is http://www.athomedaddy.blogspot.com/
He has a funny and healthy outlook on the stay at home dad gig.

I had planned a really cute post all about taking my family to the county fair last Monday night. I had planned on spending a lot of work on description, and tone. I wanted to make it a funny, and lively piece. However, at this point in the week and day, I realize I have neither the time, nor the skill to write what I want, so I'll save it for another day.

I did have my interview on Monday. The position sounds great, and I might take it if offered, but I'm not sure they will make me an offer. One big concern I do have is the available benefits through this job.

Because they are a small company the employee's cost of health insurance will be through the roof. I'll still have to find a second job just to pay for insurance. Seriously, health insurance for a family can take $500.00 a month out of you check.

This is just one of the many fun aspects to looking for a job. Just because you get a certain salary, doesn't mean that it's all take home pay. Like I said, health insurance cost can bring that salary down considerably.
If you ever find yourself in this position make sure the HR dept gives you an estimate on what health insurance will cost. They should be able to do that for you without any problem. If they won't; you probably can't afford to work there.

Today, has been quite, and that is not all together a good thing. Once I get most of my Mr. Mom chores done, and do my internet job searches; I'm left with time to reflect on, if I'm really doing enough. If you haven't notice by now, I hate waiting for some one to call for an interview. So I have returned to the "The Distance" at least until my kids get in from school. At that time, I resume my other vocation, cat herder.

Keeping the faith.

Persistence

I was surprised to see I had my first comment, ever, on my last post. It was a pleasant surprise, and I really appreciate the kind words; they reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarding genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent"

-Calvin Coolidge-

When I started this strange process I wasn't really sure where it would take me. I thought it might be a way I could record my thoughts and ideas as I deal with various issues in my life. I have to admit, this is a very public way to deal with private struggles. In some of the blogs I have read, there are those who have laid open their souls for the world to take notice. I guess that is why most of us are here, why we write.

We have families, friends, and associates we spend time with. But, there is this silent powerful voice that never quite goes away. It needs to be let out, whether in the privacy of a journal hidden under the bed, or the public exhibition of an internet posting. It can say things our mouth can't. It can tell us things about our selves we never knew, or believed possible. More than anything else, I guess, that last part is why I keep writing on this page.

Keeping the faith.

A Ray of Hope

I spend so many hours at this computer hunting through job boards, sifting through endless job postings. Everything I send out seems to be lost in an all consuming void. It swallows my resumes, coverletters, and most of my morale. Like I have said before, this process is the electronic equivalent of banging my head against a brick wall. It feeds frustration and self doubt. Not the kind of stuff that makes looking for a new job a real pleasure.

But, today I did get a call for an interview. I know better than to get my hopes up. This could lead to nothing. Yet, if nothing else, I know some one has gotten my resume, and wants to talk to me. Regardless of the interview's outcome it gives me a well needed boost. More importantly it may give my family a needed lift in their spirits.

If nothing else it will give me some interviewing experience.

Keeping the faith.

Back to school

My kids went back to school this week. It is going to be a big adjustment without them around. Of course maybe I can stop playing ref so much, and spend more time looking for a real job.

I don't worry too much about them, they love school, and do well there. Must get that from their Mom.

Oh well, another day, another............

You know the rest.

Decisions, Decisions

I've been doing alot of thinking about bad decisions lately. What I've come up with is that whether a decision is "bad" greatly depends upon perspective. And perspective depends upon time and evolution of the consequences from the decision. As time passes a decision can change from bad to good to caca all over again.

One of the things I've been battling is hindsight. If I had just done this, or if I had not done that, my life would have been different. The truth is you never know what will happen.

I read a book many years ago, about time travel. In the book the main characters go back in time to change events, however they had to keep trying again and again because one of the main themes in the story is that time resists change. I guess you have to lean toward the fate theory. Not that I believe that everything has been predetermined. If that is the case then why even get up in the morning. Heck, if the kids were destined to get to school on time then they'll find a way. They are six years old after all, it's time they learned some responsibility..., and how to drive a stick.

Seriously, I really can drive myself crazy second guessing everything I've done in the past ten years. Like I've said before what really counts is what I'm doing now. I think everything happens for a reason, even the bad things. It just may take time for it to all make sense.

Gotta be some kinda way outa here!

I'm not an Idiot!

That's what I keep telling myself. I am a competent adult.

I'm a good father, who spends time with his kids.
I'm a good husband who helps my wife around the house; even cooking meals, and cleaning the kitchen afterwards.
I 've been an exceptional manager who has; developed new departments, exceeded sales goals, and trained many successful employees. I have even managed multiple offices across Texas.

All of these things I can show in the defense of my competency.
Problem is, I'm still losing the argument.

Dadhood is not about what I've already done, but rather what I'm doing right now. How will I insure the future security of my family? The worse part of this situation is, I can't see the light of day yet. I'm not trying to sound defeatist, but come on, give me a break here!

Nomatter what I may have accomplished in the past ,the present conflict can overshadow confidence. You find regular comparisons to those around you who appear more successful a real hazard to morale. These are the dangerous times when faith and self confidence are teetering. You find yourself walking a razor between frustration, and anger, with just a whisper of hope for balance.

I know I will find a job, but how long remains to be seen. I've sent out almost two hundred solid resumes with little response. A positive attitude has to be maintained. The strong front must be kept up. For now, faith in God has got to get us through.

For the family.

What does this week hold?

It is the last few minutes of Sunday. I tend to look at Mondays with a mix of apprehension, and hope. The coming of a new week offers the possibility of a new job, or another week of dead ends.

I plan to change my strategy this week.

Years ago, when I graduated college I had the intention of going into teaching. I got my teaching certificate and everything, (at that time in Texas, your certificate was valid for life.) Life, led me in other directions, but now I find myself wandering, or is it wondering, along that path again.

I wanted to be a teacher to make a difference, not just because I needed a job. Now, at this point in my life; I need a job.

Maybe this is the job I need to make a difference in my own life.

Of course no guarantee I'll even get a teaching position this late in the year. Need to try though.

I'll greet the new week with hope, and a prayer.