Sunday, January 23, 2005

Here Goes Everything!

I start my new Job on Monday.

In a lot of ways I’m really ready to get back to work. My family needs me back at work. Financially, and emotionally I need to be back at work. That being said, I have to admit I’m more than a little nervous stepping back into the corporate world again.

I’ve been sending out resumes, making calls and going on interviews for eight months now. And all that time, I’ve been telling myself that relief is just around the corner. I assured myself that THE GREAT JOB is just the next resume away. At least that is what I always hoped. The fact is, one of the things that keeps you going in the face of hardship is hope. You tell yourself that when these clouds clear away, things will be better. You construct detailed scenarios where all the stress, worries, and hard times, are justified by the prosperity of your newfound good fortune.

The truth is, there is very seldom any justification for hardship.

There is, however, the opportunity to learn an appreciation for the things you once took for granted. Many years ago, before I was married, I kept a journal in the hopes of someday being a writer. I never did become a writer, but last spring I learned what a BLOG was. In an effort to maintain my sanity, I picked up an old habit, and started writing again. Along the way I’ve met some amazing, talented and very kind individuals in this blogging community. (See links side bar for just a few!)

I can also say that I won’t take work for granted anymore. Just a few short years ago; as I flew across Texas reviewing offices under my supervision, I never though twice about my ability to provide for my family.

Now, I am literally starting over.
And, I’m truly thankful for this opportunity.

Well guys, wish me luck, and a few prayers wouldn’t hurt either.

I’ll let you know how it goes.




Thursday, January 20, 2005

?

I seem to be getting quite a bit more hits per day this past week. I’m not sure why, but I appreciate the company. If someone new has linked to my site I would like to know whom, so I could return the kindness, (that’s just the kind of guy I am.)

Do me a favor guys, let me know how you found me.


(Otherwise my paranoia might get the best of me.)

Monday, January 17, 2005

P S A

Any one living in the same house with small children needs to go buy a snake. No not the slithering kind. I’m talking the kind of snake you can buy at Lowes in the pluming department.

There will come a time (for example: Sunday night at 12:10) when you will not know what was flushed, nor how much. But all you know is that the plunger won’t work, and Mr. plumber is on vacation. Do you make that call to the 24-hour plumbing service that will ultimately cost you $16,000.00?

No you don’t my friend; because you listened to my words.

It’s not pretty. It smells funny after a few uses.

Yet, it may be your toilets last hope.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Solid Ground

Lately, I find myself struggling to find focus. The holidays, while a welcome distraction, also can serve as a reminder of trouble times. And, with the onset of a New Year many, including myself, find themselves reflecting on the past year. Amid the recollections of good times and the not so good times, I have lately found my self caught up in the, woulda, coulda, and shoulda, of overcritical self-anilization. (Yeah, I know big surprise.”)


Now, I’d like to tell you that I’m at peace with this past year, but I can’t. If you’ve read much on my site you’d know I would be lying. Besides, I’m not sure it is in my nature to just be at peace. I should be overjoyed that I’ve got a job offer, but the fact that the start date has been pushed back several times, leaves my wife and myself with more that a little concern. It’s hard for her to contain her fears and frustration. Emotional tolerance can only be pushed so far. And, there are so many questions I can’t answer right now.


I am struggling to do my best.


The struggle is what gets to me. It’s the constant, one step forward and two steps back. It affects my relationship with my wife, my children, neighbors, and friends at church. I find myself avoiding longtime friends, just so I won’t have to answer any questions about “the job situation.” And sometimes; like a bucket of cold water, I can really hear myself get frustrated at my kids over things that honestly don’t deserve that kind of energy.


I have become a Grumpy Old Ass.


That’s not who I use to be. That’s not the relationship I want with my children. That’s not the man my wife deserves. At times like this, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in pride and self pity. Again, I would be lying if I said I have been above that. And, I’m sure that has made our situation at times worse than it needed to be.

Putting it all down here helps me to step out side of the situation. It helps me find my perspective: a solid
place to stand.


(Q) What bothers me the most?


(A) The thought of letting my family down.


(Q) Does my current mental and emotional (pity parade) in any way help my family?


(A) NO!


So what’s the solution?


The family is the solution. The more I can focus on them, the less time I have to feel sorry for myself. A seven-year-old needs stability, love, and the reassurance that someone will be there to help them get back up if they fall. They need a steady hand to guide them, and help them see that bad times don’t last forever. I’m guessing the same consideration goes for a spouse.


Too many times I get frustrated because I don’t have all the answers. Maybe I’m not supposed to know everything. Maybe the answers to the problems facing most families are to be found in the family itself. Maybe it just comes down to faith; faith in God, faith in each other, and finally (and most difficult for some) faith in ourselves.


Of course, as always, I’m just winging it here.





Monday, January 03, 2005

A New Start

The tree has been take down.

The ornaments are back in their boxes.

The mounds of trash bags, filled with brightly colored paper, and boxes have been pickup up at the curb.

I feel a little sad that all the holiday hoopla is over, yet at the same time I can collapse on the sofa with a big sigh of relief that it’s all over. Of course, I can’t stay on the couch too long, cause the day after New Years means "extreme make over home edition". Closets are thinned out for Good Will. Old toys are boxed up to make room for the ones Santa brought. And, the garage is cleaned out in the hope that I may some day fit at least one car in far enough to shut the door. All in the name of starting off the new year right.

Ah, yes! Happy Holidays.

Well, there is no sense in procrastination. It’s time to face the New Year, with new plans, new ideas, and a new sense of confidence in my parenting abilities. Take tonight for example. I found myself having a heated discussion with one of my daughters. It was regarding her stubborn reluctance in going to bed early, the night before she goes back to school. Toward the end of our little "talk" I told her she was acting childish. To which the seven-year-old replied, "I am a child."

Yeah,right! Well,…………just get to sleep then!

I think tomorrow would be a better day to start all that new attitude stuff anyway!