Feel like I’m going nuts here. So much happening, so much I feel behind on. It’s another Fathers day and I feel anything but a good father. In my attempts to “provide” I can’t say I’ve made the best decisions. I’ve taken on extra work, my wife and I both have, but braces for twins, a crashed computer, 18 year old dryer that finally blew up, and needed auto repair have left me feeling like my head is no longer above water. Each month I never know if I’m going to make the house payment, which is already behind. I can’t really turn to anyone, so I have to just get it all out here, so I can carry on. I can’t let up, can’t falter. My family is depending on me to do what I can, as little as it may seem at this time, it is all that I can do.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing for a nice self absorbed mid-life crisis, trying to prove to myself and everyone around me I “still have it.” The truth is, I never had “it”, and I would gladly trade ‘it’ for my girls to have their braces and a dresser that wasn’t so cheep that the drawers didn’t keep falling out.

I guess the thing is just put one foot ahead of the other. I’m told that God never sends you more than you can handle. If that’s true then I really don’t appreciate the testing of limits. Not today.

a quite place

The problem I have with face book is everyone is on it. My friends, my family, my kids. I'm conscious of it. I'm careful what I put as to be polite. I try not give too much information. I know there are those who go on face book, and share every little secret or issue they are dealing with, and that's great for them. I guess I come back here every so often because anyone who may have know I have this site has forgotten it by now.

No pressure to show only what I want the people who know me to see. Things are tough enough, without my kids seeing me frustrated. They see that enough already.

You'll have to excuse me I use to do this more often and much better, but tonight I feel like rambling.

I'll always have humility.

Ok, it would help if I could do this frequently enought so that I don't keep forgetting my own password to get into this acct.

If I had any pride it might have been hurt this weekend. Turns our Walmart doesn't want me.

Let me explain, If you know me, (and if you've read anything on this site, then you know me better than most) you know I was out of work for some time a few years ago. I did find a job, then forgot how to write. The job I found has been a blessing for me and my family and is still going strong, and in this economy that is good news.

These past couple of years have been pretty quite, the only big events being the purchase of a new van (the old one was over a decade old and costing more in repair a month than the cost of a new one) and moving to a new house. (Turns out three girls dont do well with one sink and a single toilet. ) Problem was my wife lost her job just after we closed on the new house. (doh!)

Anyway back in January I took a parttime job at the local Walmart, working nights and weekends. The schedule was flexable and we needed the extra income. It was also kind of fun, no where near the stress of my day job. Just like in highschool. If you've ever seen the movie "American Beauty" where Kevin Spacy takes the job at a burger joint like he had as a kid, after he quits his highly demanding job.

Only, my wife wasn't running around on me, and there was no hot blonde chasing me, and I didn't buy a sports car, and no one has pointed a gun to my head............... OK, my life is nothing like that move. Bad example, nevermind. Lets just say it was low stress, and decent extra income.

I stayed there seven months but left when my wife was offered the oppertunity of being able to work more hours from home. I would need to be home more to help out around the house and take care of the kids at night so she could work more. Unfortunatly that only lasted a few weeks and we were back where we started. I put it off for a while but went back this weekend, figuring since I left on good terms, I could get my old parttime job back. Turns out they no longer have the shift I use to work. So much for flexable hours. Said they need someone to come in at six pm, problem is I don't get off job #1 untill 5:30. It's too far between the two to make that time.

Guess I'll figure something else out.

Here and Now

It's funny how I keep coming back here. I haven't posted in a long time but pull up the site from time to time. I originally started this site because i needed an outlet. I was the unemployed Dad with too much time on his hands. Then I became the employed dad with no time on his hands. Still needing the outlet but so many things took president.

So many times I've thought about coming back here, but never being able to focus on what needed to be said. In the end I think that was my roadblock. I thought I needed to make a statement. I was worrying about the destination instead of working on the journey.

In other words I need to ramble on a bit more. That's how I started.

Blog; hold the spam!

I know I haven't posted for a long time. A whole lota life has gotten the way. But who are these Blogspamers, that keep dumping on my comments.

If you have an intelligent comment, great.

If you have an unintelligent comment, that's fine too, I'll probably relate better to that.

But your wasting your time and my blogspace by putting an add here. I ain' t buy'n.

Time

Yes, time.

The stuff I don't got!

My work needs my time.
My wife needs my time.
My yard outgrows my time.
My kids demand my time.

Heck, even Harry Potter stole some of my time.

It's the last few weeks before school starts, and I'm running out of time, and money for school clothes, and supplies.

If time truly is money, no wonder I keep running out of it.

Seems as it was just a few months ago I had too much time and was praying for a job. Now, I'm just trying just to find a few minutes of quite.

It's that old saying: It is not about gettng what you want, it's wanting what you've got.

Gotta go now.

I'm out of time.

Father's day haul!

Yes it is again, that time when I have no time!

But I did have a great Father's Day:
The Haul:

Two t-shirts, and a new cap "Worlds Greatest Dad" ( Sorry guy, but I have the cap now so it is official), a really big frosty from Wendy's, and finally, two DVD's, "miracle" and "Signs".

We also played a heated game of Clue, (it was Mr. Plum, in the library, with a knife)

The evening was topped off with a Dad's night out. Myself and two neighbors went to see the new Batman movie. It was a very cool flick.

Can't get much better than that.

Hope everyone else had a good Father's day.

After all it is the only Holiday when we don't have to remember to get something for someone else.